What Things We Cherish
by The-Darkness-Befalls
Summary: Derek Hale has a secret. Stiles Stilinski figures it out. Sometimes, what things we cherish become just as important as the people we cherish them with. Sometimes, the opposite is true as well. Sterek drabble series.
1. Chapter 1

Derek Hale has a secret. It's not a secret that could end up killing someone or leaving him guilty and brooding for years. He has some of those, had some of those, will probably always have some of those. And, you know, _refuses_ to continue thinking about those right now. No, this secret is a little more... embarrassing?

It's not like he intended to keep it a secret, after all. It just kind of ended up that way. It's not really even his fault because it's not like he bought the damned thing. That was all on Stiles.

It's not like it's the first he's ever owned. He was young once. But it's been... a _long_ time. A long time since he was a child. Since he was innocent. And a long time since everything fell apart.

There is no possible way that Stiles understood what it meant, but-Derek can't help but look at the damn thing and remember the one he used to have. The one his parents gave him when he was born.

A symbol of his family history.

He keeps the stuffed wolf a secret from everyone, even Stiles.

It was given as a joke, but it means more than it should.

And he doesn't want to think about what that means.


	2. Chapter 2

Sometimes, he wonders _why_ Stiles have him the wolf. Yeah, it was presented as a joke, but what does it mean?

Derek is fairly sure he's overthinking things.

Especially when Stiles does something horribly stupid and terribly brave to protect Scott (or Derek himself).

But he supposes it's in Stiles' nature. To do the unexpected but entirely _right_ thing.

Is it even deliberate, some of the things he does?

Derek realises that he probably thinks about Stiles far too often. The kid irritates him beyond measure, but he can't help admiring him too. He hasn't run screaming yet, or told his father what he is. And he doesn't back down because it's scary or dangerous. He's brave and stupid, but he's loyal and he's just _Stiles_.

But he's not a werewolf, and Derek doesn't think he ever wants him to be. He doesn't think a werewolf would have given him a stuffed wolf toy and not made a big deal out of it. He doesn't think a werewolf would have... He knows the bite changes people, and he thinks he really likes who Stiles is now.

But he's never ever telling Stiles that. Definitely not.


	3. Chapter 3

He's gone. Stiles cannot believe that Derek is_ gone._

Derek has always pulled through. He's _Derek._

The idea that Derek could possibly be dead is just-he doesn't even know _what_ to describe it as.

Sure, they hadn't had the best relationship a lot of the time. But they were friends now, weren't they? Did it even matter anymore, if Derek was dead?

Of course, he didn't know for sure that Derek was dead. But there was a lot of blood and wolfsbane bullets and the building had collapsed from the fire, and _no one had seen him in days._

Stiles doesn't like feeling like this. He doesn't like the panic that builds in him, the tightening in his chest. He cannot lose another person.

Derek has to be alive.

He's not sure at what point during his inner monologue he ends up pulling up to the Hale house, but he's suddenly aware that he's sitting in his jeep right outside it.

It doesn't take very long before he's made the decision to go inside.

* * *

His bedroom isn't quite what he expected. The sparseness of it aside, there is something not quite right about it. A stock bedroom devoid of personality. It's not really _Derek._

The fact that the walls have been repaired but not painted doesn't help.

But the bed? The bed_ screams _Derek Hale. The sheets are dark red and there's a black and red bedspread haphazardly pushed in a pile on one side. There are four pillows in cases that match the bedspread, but it's obvious by the size that he only uses the two on the right.

Stiles can feel a panic attack welling up in his chest and he collapses. He can tell the sheets are cheap and scratchy as soon as he hits the bed, but he doesn't care. He's struggling to stave off the attack before it starts and he's not even sure he _wants_ to.

And then he sees it.

Between the pillows, a little furry object. A mouse? It's enough of a distraction to pull him away from thoughts of death.

He grabs it without thinking and pulls.

_It's a stuffed wolf._


	4. Chapter 4

Stiles recognises the wolf, but it takes him a few moments to place _where._

Derek doesn't have pictures or mementos or things that mean anything in this room. He doesn't have much of anything, anywhere.

But he kept the wolf. He kept the wolf that Stiles had given him as a joke way back before Derek became an Alpha, even before they knew that Peter had been the Alpha who killed Derek's sister.

Back when he barely knew Derek and barely _cared_ about what happened to him.

Derek kept a toy Stiles had given him when he didn't appear to keep much of anything else.

Being faced with the very real probability that Derek is dead and that he had kept the stuffed wolf is just too much for Stiles to handle.

The panic attack is terrifying long, and when it's over, Stiles drives back to his house slowly.

The stuffed wolf comes home with him.


	5. Chapter 5

He's not completely sure why he does it, but he keeps the wolf with him always. He's uncomfortable with thinking about it and all it might entail, so he _doesn't_ think about it. He just does it.

It's been hard the past two weeks, especially since he found the wolf. Stiles is almost positive Derek is dead, but he knows no one has found a body. He doesn't dare hope, because he's-he just can't.

It's a Friday after school that his dad finds the wolf. It's not like his dad was snooping, that's not in his nature. It was an accident and Stiles isn't completely sure he's upset by it. But it's hard.

It's hard for him to explain to his dad why he's carrying a stuffed wolf in his backpack to school every day. It was almost easier to talk about werewolves.

It's made easier as soon as his father notices the name scrawled on the tag that Stiles hadn't even noticed.

Derek.

So he tells his dad the story about giving Derek the wolf as a joke, and finding it. And then he asks his dad once again if they've found any sign of Derek. The answer is always no, but this time there is a look in his dad's eyes then that almost breaks him.

It's almost as gutting as finding the wolf in the first place.

Afterwards, he flops down on his bed with the wolf in his arms and sleeps through supper.

* * *

A/N: Last of the Stiles drabbles. Back to Derek tomorrow!


	6. Chapter 6

It's nearly three weeks before Derek manages to get himself back to Beacon Hills. He's not sure how he ended up in Nevada, if it were by choice or against his will. He just wakes up one morning on a dirt floor of some ramshackle hut, in pain and with no idea what happened.

Healing takes a lot longer than it should. He doesn't know why, not exactly. But he suspects some sort of spell. Without remembering exactly what left him in such a shape, he really can't say for certain.

But after two and a half weeks, mostly spent sneaking into empty houses and taking only small bills, he finally comes up with enough money to pay a bus fare most of the way back.

Most of the time he's gone, he's tempted to call back-let them know he's alive, trying to work his way back. But he doesn't have his cell phone, and he hasn't memorized anyone's number. Why should he have?

He doesn't want to get anyone outside the pack involved, but there is one day that he finds the number for the Beacon Hills Police Department and calls. But the Sheriff is off and he never quite gets the courage to call in again.

He's pathetic and he knows it.

And he misses (_Stiles_) his wolf.


	7. Chapter 7

It's close to three in the morning when he finally gets back to town. He's had to walk the last few miles on foot, some of which he shifted and ran. It feels _right_ to be back, but he makes the last few miles to his house in an exhausted shuffle.

When he lies down on his bed, he can smell Stiles on his sheets. It makes him feel strange.

He's almost asleep when he reaches for the wolf only to discover that it's _gone_.

Despite his exhaustion, he's suddenly very much awake.

His _wolf_ is _gone_.

Derek spends what feels like an hour looking around the house for the wolf, with absolutely no sign of it. It's not until he flops back down on his bed that he remembers the smell of _Stiles_ stuck to his sheets.

He needs the wolf, though. He doesn't want to think of why, it's just a _stuffed toy._

So despite the fact that it's probably close to five in the morning and he hasn't slept in what seems like days, he sets out towards the Stilinski house. It takes less time than it normally would because he spends half the time running.

When Derek slips in through the window, Stiles is asleep in his bed, sheets tangled around his legs. He's curled up in a way that reminds Derek of a cat.

Then he sees his wolf, tightly held between Stiles' chest and arms.

It's not just a stuffed toy anymore, and Derek can't help but think about why Stiles' is sleeping with it.

He watches Stiles for a few minutes, his mind reeling with thoughts and realizations and _things_, before quietly slipping back out the window.


	8. Chapter 8

Derek sleeps heavily. He doesn't wake up for twelve hours, and it's uncomfortable when he does wake up. The air feels heavy and warm, and smells like..._ Stiles?_

He shoots up into a sitting position, looking around a bit frantically.

Stiles is standing in the doorway. His eyes are wide and his mouth is parted just slightly. It's a fairly familiar Stiles expression.

"Stiles." It's all he can manage to say. He's not even sure what else he would say. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I wasn't dead? I'm sorry it took so long to come back?

"I didn't. I hoped. But then you were never here. No one heard anything and I. I asked everyone and I'm sure they were tired of it, but you couldn't be dead and now you're. . . My window was open when I woke up and I would have come straight here but school and I got detention because I couldn't concentrate."

Stiles continues to ramble but Derek isn't sure he knows how to stop him short of being angry and yelling or pushing him up against the wall. He doesn't want to do either of those things, not now.

"I woke up in Nevada. In a hut. I wasn't healing right. I don't know how I got there. That was three weeks ago."

It's honest and not what he meant to say. Stiles had stopped talking as soon as he had started, and he hasn't done anything but look at Derek since.

He doesn't like the tightness in his chest at having made Stiles worry.


	9. Chapter 9

Things are a little awkward after that. Stiles leaves half an hour later, his heart rate not quite so fast and his babbling returned to its normal speed.

Derek knows now that Stiles worried for him while he was gone. He hates himself a little more for that. Stiles is... important to him.

Stiles had kept the wolf with him everywhere. He doesn't find that out until the next day, when the sheriff shows up at his door out of uniform.

It's not the most pleasant experience.

Derek leaves just after the sheriff does, intent on grocery shopping. It doesn't quite go his way. He ends up running into Chris Argent in the dairy section. He leaves his meager cart of dehydrated meals and sandwich fixings right there in the store.

So he heads back to the house empty handed, stressed, and hungry.


	10. Chapter 10

When he returns home, he finds his wolf. It's tucked into it's usual spot, but he notices it immediately because of the green ribbon around his neck.

It's secured around his neck with a tag hanging off.

He doesn't really understand it. Why Stiles would bring the wolf back. Why he cares that Stiles did.

He picks up the wolf and takes the tag between two fingers, flipping it over. In Stiles' handwriting in black ink is eight letters.

_Sourwolf._

And then, Derek knows what it means.

_I don't need the wolf anymore, because you're back._

He sits on the bed for a long time, the stuffed wolf resting in his lap.

The phone on the bed buzzes with an incoming text, and he opens it without another thought.

_"I can't sleep. Come over?"_

It's from Stiles, and Derek replies without even hesitating.

_"Okay."_

It's not until he's sitting with his back against Stiles bed, a hand clasped in his, that he realises that it's not his phone.

He scrolls through the contacts, and the only one he doesn't see is his own.

There's an extra one though, labeled only with John.

He pauses before he scrolls through the text messages. Before Stiles, there is only one.

_"Take care of yourself, kid. If you need anything, just ask."_

And he then knows exactly who John is.


End file.
